The unexpected

Wow, oh wow have things changed since the last time a posted (it's been almost a year.. oops!). God has pushed me in directions I never thought I would go, but how awesome it has been!

Last time I posted, I was planning on attending Abilene Christian University in the fall, and I had my heart set on it. However, God stepped in and lead me a whole new direction. I felt he was leading me to stay in the Midland area and attend UTPB, which wasn't even an option in my own mind. Every time my mom and/or dad asked if I would consider staying, either at Midland College or UTPB, I answered quickly with a "no way in hell", but here I am.

I have always been a planner, making sure my plans are set in stone as quickly as possible so this whole adventure was not me. I felt God pushing me in this direction in July, not giving me much time. I hadn't even applied to either local college because I was so set against it. But I applied and was accepted by the end of July. I changed my mind extremely late in the game.

Normally this whole thing would have freaked me out, but God gave me peace in this decision. There were certainly times that I have questioned why I am still here and not off somewhere having the typical college experience, but I have learned how faithful God is to me, and to us. It has taken time to understand, but over the last few months He has revealed His perfect plan for my life, slowly and in small pieces. Obviously I don't know what the ultimate plan is, but I know what He is leading me to do now, in this moment, and over the next few months.

One of the ways He has blessed me most is allowing me to stay involved in Kaleidoscope Ministries. If you have ever had a conversation with me this organization or the kids have probably some how snuck their way into the talk. I started volunteering with them my freshman year of high school and God really gave me a heart for these kids. During my senior year I was broken up about having to leave this ministry behind because they were a constant installation in my routine. I had spent most Monday nights with them throughout high school, so leaving that behind was heartbreaking. I am thankful that I still get to see those beautiful faces and hopefully have an impact in their lives', even in the smallest ways. I have also had the privilege of tutoring one of the sweetest little girls I have met through them. Through this ministry alone I have been able to see a reason God held me back.

Through this ministry I think God has also shown me what I am most passionate for. For a couple years I knew that eventually I would want to work in missions but I didn't know how or what kind of mission I specifically wanted to purse. Over the past year I feel God has really opened my heart, more than ever before, in working with children who don't have the best childhood. In some ways it's selfish. When I am with them I feel God's presence the most. When you see a child who has had a rough home life or doesn't have the same privileges you did as a kid, it really puts things into perspective. Not only that, but seeing their joy is encouraging and uplifting, and seeing God reveal truths to them is amazing. There's the verse about having faith like a child (Luke 18:17) and that is what I strive for. Spending time with these precious kids only refreshes that and strengthens my faith and I can only hope that God is revealed to them through me as well.

God is AWESOME!

He has also placed some wonderful friendships in my life that have blessed me tremendously. My future sister in-laws (AHHH) have been great to me and accepted me as a sister, even before Seth and I were engaged. Spending quality time with them has encouraged me and given me the younger sisters I never had, and for that I am so grateful! (The rest of his family is pretty awesome too!) I also grew my relationship with one of my best friends since seventh grade, because she stayed behind as well. (Rach, you're the bomb diggety) Having friends to talk with, pray with, praise our wonderful Savior with, and laugh with has made this situation easier on me and shown me just another way God has been faithful to me.

Then , of course, comes the wonderful blessing of my fiancé! When I made the decision to stay, my then boyfriend, had no problem with it. He was excited while I was still apprehensive. However, God has blessed us both beyond measure by paving the path towards marriage! (once again, AHHH) Yes, we are both young and probably still have quite a bit of maturing to do, but what us better than growing in Christ with the one you love? I admit, sometimes I do feel a little (maybe a lot) crazy for getting married at 19, but then I realize how blessed I am. I will get to spend some of the best years of my life next to my husband and I wouldn't trade this crazy reality for anything.

My point in all this rambling about what is going on in my life is this: God has a plan! And sometimes, actually, most of the time, it does not line up perfectly with ours. Sure, ACU would have been a great option, and I am sure I would have experienced some amazing things if I had attended there. BUT God had a different plan, which is totally okay!!

What I forgot to mention in all of this is my apprehension when it came to staying. Not many know too well how I felt during the first few months of my freshman year. I had no idea why I was there. I was having a hard time finding my people to hang out with. I was bored. I was jealous of my friends having a blast at their respective colleges. I was struggling with God's plan (there were also some issues close to home that were difficult which should not be shared over the internet, however if curiosity gets to you I don't mind sharing God's hand in that too). The first semester was a roller coaster ride. Sometimes I was glad for the time I got to spend with friends and family that I would not have experienced if I was in Abilene. Sometimes I was mad that I was still here and it seemed as if there was no purpose. And others I just didn't understand why. But sometimes I think our periods of misunderstanding and confusion lead us closer to God. I knew He had a purpose for me but I didn't know what, and that was what bothered me. I hate not knowing what's next so going a whole semester in the dark was hard. He spent the fall semester conditioning me and encouraging me to have patience and FAITH that His way was best. And boy has He proven that to me in a million different ways.

If you get nothing out of this or just skipped to the end (that's what I would've done) I hope you can see the need for flexibility. I believe that if we are faithful to our Lord and are flexible enough to take whatever He throws in our way, He will reward us in ways we could not have imagined because God is good.

Bulletproof

In my opinion, too many of us live our lives' in fear. We think to much about every little thing that could possibly go wrong. Especially when it comes to new adventures. I believe that this usually results from a lack of faith, we seem to think that we can control our own lives' and consequences. By avoiding what may be risky situations, we think we can avoid heartache. However, I believe we should live with an entirely different perspective. Living with an eternal, outward focused perspective is key. Although I have not reached perfection in this area, nor will I ever come close, (who ever will?) I think that I have a minuscule understanding of what it could look like. To use my life to love others and further God's Kingdom with only the limits that He gives me; that is where I can find contentment. By using the talents and passions He has given me, I can make an impact on this world, if only I can forget about what limits I put on myself and let Him take me further. This also happens to be one of the easiest things to say, but the hardest to follow through on. However, there's one phrase that reminds me what I have been placed on this earth for:

 

"I am bulletproof until God calls me home."

 

I heard this quote during a sermon a couple years ago (I remember absolutely nothing else from this sermon) and it has stuck with me ever since. If this one phrase has stuck with me for so long, and impacted almost everything I do, then I think it is worthy of being shared.  I have been working since the day I heard this to make it my motto, the thing that drives me. This small phrase brings me so much comfort, both in the midst of trials and when making decisions. I hope this to be my encouragement and reminder of hope as I continue in life and dive deeper into ministry. God calls us to be His hands and feet on this earth, to share his love with those around us, and to "go make disciples of all the nations." (Matthew 29:19a) Unfortunately, many of us see the prospect of going oversees to persecuted nations as too dangerous and risky. However, we are not masters of our own circumstances, who are we to say what is too much for our God? After all He is the creator of the universe. Don't get me wrong, by no means am I saying that we should be stupid about what risks we take. But what I am saying is that if we are called to take risk in order to further God's Kingdom, we should consider prayerfully what great things God might have in store. And if you do decide to take that risk, I believe that God will be using your life in a way that will impact others. To finish I'll leave you with one of my favorite encouragements Paul gives us,  

 

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:20-21)